How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty
- Sarine Salama, LMHC
- 5 days ago
- 2 min read
By Sarine Salama, LMHC | Serenity Counseling Solutions | Telehealth Across Florida
Setting boundaries is one of the most important skills for emotional well-being—yet many people struggle with it. You may worry about disappointing others, creating conflict, or being seen as selfish. But in reality, healthy boundaries are essential for emotional stability, self-respect, and healthier relationships.
UC Davis Health explains that boundaries help preserve your energy, reduce overwhelm, and create emotional balance:https://health.ucdavis.edu/blog/cultivating-health/how-to-set-boundaries-and-why-it-matters-for-your-mental-health/2024/03
Why Do We Feel Guilty Setting Boundaries?
Guilt around boundary-setting rarely appears out of nowhere. It’s usually tied to deeper emotional patterns:
1. Fear of letting others down
You may feel responsible for keeping others happy.
2. Childhood conditioning
If saying “no” wasn’t safe or accepted growing up, it may feel uncomfortable now.
3. People-pleasing patterns
Medical News Today describes how people-pleasing develops from anxiety, a desire for approval, or conflict avoidance:https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/people-pleaser
4. Anxiety about conflict
If boundaries weren’t modeled for you, asserting your needs can feel intimidating — even when it’s healthy.
What Healthy Boundaries Actually Do
Boundaries help you:
Protect your emotional and mental health
Prevent burnout
Strengthen communication
Build trust
Reduce resentment
Honor your values
NAMI provides a research-informed guide to understanding and setting boundaries:https://www.nami.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/BTS-Setting-Boundries-Guide.pdf
Boundaries aren’t barriers — they’re pathways to healthier connections.
How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty
1. Start small
Choose one manageable boundary in an area where you feel overstretched.
2. Use clear, calm language
You don’t need long explanations. Try:
“I’m not able to do that right now.”
“I need some time to myself this evening.”
This Tricare Behavioral Health guide provides helpful, practical examples of how to communicate boundaries: https://annapolis.tricare.mil/Portals/109/Documents/Behavioral%20Health/Understanding%20and%20Setting%20Healthy%20Personal%20Boundaries.pdf
3. Remember: Your needs matter
Your well-being is just as important as anyone else’s.
4. Expect some discomfort at first
New behaviors feel unfamiliar, not wrong.
5. You are not responsible for others’ reactions
Their feelings are valid — but so are your limits.
6. Boundaries strengthen relationships
Honesty and clarity create trust and emotional safety.
Examples of Healthy Boundaries
Time boundary: “I’m available until 6 PM; after that, I’ll respond tomorrow.”
Emotional boundary: “I need a pause from this conversation.”
Work boundary: “I can help on Tuesday, but I can’t take anything else on today.”
Family boundary: “I’m not comfortable discussing that topic.”
Final Thoughts
Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to putting others first. But boundaries are not selfish — they are essential to maintaining your emotional health, preventing overwhelm, and building stronger relationships.
You deserve connections where your needs are valued and your limits are respected.
Ready for Support?
If you're working on boundaries, healing from burnout, or improving your relationships, I’m here to help.
Book a consultation at Serenity Counseling Solutions: https://www.serenitycounselingsolutions.org/
Providing compassionate, evidence-based therapy across Florida via telehealth.
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