Grieving During the Holidays: How to Get Through the First Season After a Loss

3 days ago

4 min read

Grief often gets louder during the holidays, and that is a normal response rather than a sign that you are doing it wrong. Songs, traditions, familiar tables, and an empty chair can bring a loss back into sharp focus, even if you were having a steadier stretch. There is no right way to get through the season, but there are gentler ways.

If you have been asking, "How am I supposed to get through the holidays when someone is missing?" this guide is for you. Take what helps and leave the rest.

A single lit candle in remembrance, representing grieving during the holidays and grief counseling in Plantation FL

Why Grief Can Intensify This Time of Year

Holidays are built around connection and routine, which are exactly the things a loss disrupts. A few reasons the season can feel so heavy:

Traditions that once belonged to two or more people now have a visible gap in them.
The world around you seems cheerful, which can make your own sadness feel out of step.
Anniversaries, such as a favorite recipe, a shared trip, or a birthday that falls near the holidays, are packed into a few weeks.
Family gatherings can bring pressure to "be okay" for everyone else's sake.

Loss does not only mean the death of a person. Divorce, a move, the end of a friendship, or the loss of a pet or a role can all bring their own holiday grief. Whatever the loss, it counts.

Gentle Ways to Plan for the Season

Decide what you can and cannot do. It is okay to skip an event, leave early, or drive your own car so you can go when you need to. You can also keep some traditions and let others rest this year.
Make room for the person you miss. Light a candle, share a story, cook their favorite dish, or set aside a quiet moment. Remembering on purpose can feel better than trying to avoid the subject.
Tell people what you need. Friends and family often hold back because they are afraid of saying the wrong thing. A simple "I would like to talk about them" or "I need a quiet day" gives them a way to help. Our guide on how to support a grieving friend is worth sharing with the people around you.
Keep the basics steady. Sleep, regular meals, movement, and time outside will not take the pain away, but grief is much harder to carry on an empty tank.
Expect waves, not a straight line. You may laugh at a gathering and cry in the car afterward. Both are part of grief, and neither cancels the other.

Woman wrapped in a blanket looking out a window during a quiet moment of grief

Is This Normal, or Is It Something More?

A surge of sadness around the holidays is expected. The question to ask is whether the intensity is easing over time or staying stuck. The Mayo Clinic describes complicated grief as grief that stays severe and keeps you from resuming daily life, with signs such as intense longing, trouble accepting the loss, numbness, or feeling that life has no purpose. If these persist, it is reasonable to talk with a doctor or mental health professional. Grief also does not run on a fixed schedule, which we explore in how long grief lasts.

If you are having thoughts of suicide or of harming yourself, please reach out right now. Call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7 and free and confidential. In an emergency, call 911. You do not have to carry this alone.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it okay to enjoy the holidays while I am grieving?

Yes. Moments of joy do not mean you have forgotten or loved less. Grief and happiness can sit side by side, and allowing both is often part of healing.

What if my family wants to carry on exactly as usual?

Families often grieve differently and at different speeds. A calm conversation about what each person needs, even a brief one before a gathering, can reduce hurt feelings. A counselor can help you plan what to say.

I am grieving someone who is still alive but declining. Does that count?

It does. Grieving before a loss, especially while caring for someone, has a name, and the holidays can intensify it. See our post on anticipatory grief for more.

Why Choose Serenity Counseling Solutions

Grief counseling is not about getting over a loss. It is about having a steady, compassionate place to carry it. Our clinicians offer grief and loss therapy in person in Plantation and by secure telehealth across Florida, at a pace that respects where you are. Learn more about our grief and loss therapy services or call (305) 518-1984.

Final Thoughts

You do not have to feel festive, and you do not have to hide how you feel. The first holiday season after a loss is often the hardest, and being gentle with yourself is not weakness. It is what makes it possible to keep going. Support is here whenever you are ready.